Monday, January 01, 2007
Do Holidays End Marriages?
Here it is, January 1, New Years Day. Several major holidays for any number of countries and belief systems have passed. I decided to respond to a question repeatedly posed to me recently: do holidays end marriages?
Holidays certainly can put a strain on marriages, and for a marriage already deeply in trouble, the strain may be the final straw for couples. However, this is not the common reason for the rash of marriage separations and divorces around the holidays. The real reason is one step off.
Marriages are not ended by holidays. People choose to end marriages after holidays. When someone has made a decision to leave a marriage, the central question left is when to leave. And this is often a matter of practicality. Most people want to minimize the pain other people feel. So, the leaving is often calculated to lead to less pain.
Holidays bring a great deal of emotion and sentimentality for people, so often, people try to delay pain beyond the "big day." When the question of when to leave is a decision to be made, people can choose to wait until a holiday has passed, then reveal the decision.
Unfortunately, this can be quite a shock and surprise to the one being left. Often, he or she has been kept "in the dark" throughout a spouse making a decision to leave. So when the holiday passes and the spouse leaves, it appears that the holiday led to the end of the relationship. And since there is already a great deal of stress in the relationship, the holiday will likely not go well, and this creates even a stronger sense that the holiday did the damage.
Do not be fooled into believing that the holiday was the reason for the failure of the marriage. That is likely not the issue. It may have been stressful and difficult, but the decision was likely already made.
If you find yourself in the midst of a marriage separation after the holidays, I hope you will take a look at my ebook, Save The Marriage. I include a Quick-Start Guide to help you take immediate action.
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More marriage saving information can be found in my ebook, available by CLICKING HERE.
marriage help marital help relationship advice
Holidays certainly can put a strain on marriages, and for a marriage already deeply in trouble, the strain may be the final straw for couples. However, this is not the common reason for the rash of marriage separations and divorces around the holidays. The real reason is one step off.
Marriages are not ended by holidays. People choose to end marriages after holidays. When someone has made a decision to leave a marriage, the central question left is when to leave. And this is often a matter of practicality. Most people want to minimize the pain other people feel. So, the leaving is often calculated to lead to less pain.
Holidays bring a great deal of emotion and sentimentality for people, so often, people try to delay pain beyond the "big day." When the question of when to leave is a decision to be made, people can choose to wait until a holiday has passed, then reveal the decision.
Unfortunately, this can be quite a shock and surprise to the one being left. Often, he or she has been kept "in the dark" throughout a spouse making a decision to leave. So when the holiday passes and the spouse leaves, it appears that the holiday led to the end of the relationship. And since there is already a great deal of stress in the relationship, the holiday will likely not go well, and this creates even a stronger sense that the holiday did the damage.
Do not be fooled into believing that the holiday was the reason for the failure of the marriage. That is likely not the issue. It may have been stressful and difficult, but the decision was likely already made.
If you find yourself in the midst of a marriage separation after the holidays, I hope you will take a look at my ebook, Save The Marriage. I include a Quick-Start Guide to help you take immediate action.
********************
More marriage saving information can be found in my ebook, available by CLICKING HERE.
marriage help marital help relationship advice
# posted by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. @ 8:00 PM 
